Sometimes...

Sometimes all I want is a guy to hold my hand, a guy look at me and tell me I'm beautiful, a guy to brush the hair back off my face and know that he really cares. Sometimes it feels like that is something I will never have, sometimes it feels like I am destined to be alone and have to deal. I am the person that is there for others not the one that is cared for. I love being there for my friends, it gives my life an awesome meaning and purpose but, sometimes... Sometimes all I want is what I see my friends have. I have never wanted to go out with a guy just so that I could have a hand to hold. I want it to mean something, and not just something, something big. I want it to matter and last. I want to have a forever love. Someday if it is in Gods plan for me I will. And oh how I want it to be in Gods plan. Sometimes all there is to do is cry and then continue to wait. I go through a stupid cycle of I'm fine by myself, I love being single, to I don't want to be alone, what is wrong with me. Having never had a boyfriend is a thing I'm proud of and a thing that is hard on my self esteem. Like why haven't guys ever been interested? What am I doing wrong? Or is it something I'm doing right? I don't really know what to think. I know God has great things for me, I heard him say it, but sometimes... Sometimes it just seems like the wait could kill me. I just want a hand to hold, a smile to cherish, eyes to lose myself in, a laugh to get carried away by, arms to wrap me in a hug, a shoulder to bury my head in and drain my tears, fingers to play with my hair, and a heart full of love. God says patience and as another tear slides down my face I say 'okay daddy. Will you help me?'